Yes. I’m talking to you.
The husband of my sister, my client, the partner of my best friend… The men of our world.
Seriously, is anger the only power you’ve got?
Is this the only way you can find the strength to have your needs met? By relentless arguing? By swearing? By yelling at the kids?
Or by hitting a hole in the wall?
And by anger, I also mean that acrid silent withdrawal some of you do. Where you are too dignified or righteous to lower yourself to the fire your partner is exuding, so you withdraw – in swallowed anger – and refuse to touch her, speak with her,
love her …
all because you have no other skills other than anger of hiding behind a self-righteous wall.
There is only one reason why you are angry and there’s one easy way to have your needs met with skill, safety and honour.
The answer to both : Self-connection.
If you were truly connected to your power you would stand rooted in your own honour code.
▪️ You would know that no one outside of your own heart holds your power.
▪️ You would be able to see and own where you dissolve, dilute and even hand over your own power by not honouring the needs of your authenticity.
▪️ You would see with blinding truth where you constantly abandon your own heart. And you wouldn’t allow it to happen.
Come on guys. Give me something better than your anger.
Give me your courage, your passion, your vision, your devotion – show me you are brave enough to heal that trauma you lived through.
Show me you are willing to be the Guardian of your own fearless heart. Willingness is all you need.
I have the emotional literacy tools, the trauma release techniques, the sacred compassion and the fierce AF insight to show you how to have way better techniques than anger to find your way in the world.
Come and learn the skills your father couldn’t teach you and the wisdom your son wishes you had. Become a Guardian.Read More
I know she gets wild.
Sometimes that streak of strength you love in her turns rancid and her truth mixed with resentment fueled rage, burns.
I know you love her for her sweetness.
And lately, or maybe now its decades, that soft honey she used to shower on you has dried up. I know you’re wishing it was here like it used to be. I know you accept she’s giving it to your kids. I also know you crave it.
Like you craved lollies when you were a little boy. But you’re not now, are you?
Now you are a man in a relationship with a woman who isn’t happy. Or let me clarify, a woman who is not happy with you, her partner. Let me help you.
I know she can be difficult, changeable, mean and sometimes vicious. I know she can strip you naked with her tongue and slay you with the venom she speaks.
But do not judge her for the darkness you see in her for making you face the feelings and truth you refuse to face.
For the emptiness or abandonment, you refuse to own.
For the shadows and darkness, you refuse to feel.
She is showing up wild, angry and full of passion – she is is yelling at you for one, yes ONE undeniable reason –
She is fighting for the man in you. She is arguing for the ‘us’ in the relationship she is still committed to.
Yes. Her behaviour isn’t so graceful.
Yes. She’s missing skills and tools just like you.
But she’s there, mad as hell, cross as a banshee because the boundary you crossed and the love you took for granted. The kindness you drank and discarded. The time and thought she lavished that went unseen.
And all this giving cost her. It cost her sweetness. It made her feel unsafe and more tired and she needs you like she needs no other and you haven’t been there.
Don’t judge her for making you see the darkness you refuse to own. The unpenetrated heart that holds trauma you refuse to feel.
Instead, Love her for being your mirror. And own the feminine, the unexplored tenderness inside you and Do Your Work. Joy is waiting for you all if you do.
If you want to learn how to hold your deep inner-centred masculinity while your beloved turns into her own fury storm, then join Guardians.
Become the present love that changes everything.
© Lhamo 2022
Hey beautiful man – my boss, my son, my lover, my student, my peer –
I am NOT the edge you can break yourself on.
You might have been raised by a woman whose soft boundaries couldn’t hold you,
You might be partnered with a woman who can’t contain the wildness of you,
You might not respect or even fear the feminine within you –
But because I have forged my boundaries in the darkest of flames
and can hold myself
I am not the edge you can find _your edge_ or limits on.
I am not the wall you can push against,
need to change,
augment or rally against
because you don’t know how to hold yourself.
As a man, as a decent human, you do not have the right to push me because you feel uncomfortable.
I am a woman who has had 5000 years of patriarchy grinding her matriarchal bones into enlightenment dust.
I stand engoldened, emboldened and fortified
by my motherline’s survival wisdom.
I am a woman who has been beaten longer and harder by
her own worthlessness and shadow
than you could EVER beat me.
I stand as sharp, insightful and resilient AF with the love and wisdom that lived experience has afforded me.
And because I _can_ hold you,
and because I do choose to love you,
You DO NOT have the right to break yourself on me.
To batter me with your expectations,
To challenge me with your assumptions,
To denigrate my self respecting boundaries,
To devalue my values,
all because you have no idea
of who you are.
Because you have no clue
of how your shadow runs your world
or how wounded your inner child is.
The only edge I have that gets to be
Touched, teased, tempted and taken
is the gateway to my inner universe.
My inner heart
and SHE first and always,
belongs to me.
She is also revered, honoured and
worshipped by my beloved
If he honours the most sacred walls within me,
Give me one valid reason why I should take
Anything less than respect from you?
© Lhamo 2022 | Ministry of SheRead More
Talk to me about denial.
What stops you from refusing to look at the story or situation bigger than the one you currently believe?
What has made you so defensive? Why are you so reactive? When did you become so angry?
If you firmly believe in your point of view, why are you not open to seeing what others can see? What fear has made you stubborn, blinkered or dismissive?
If you are so sure, why are you committed to silencing any point of view that makes you think differently?
Talk with me about your denial.
Let me hold the part of you that is scared, gently and tenderly. Let me open soft folds of unconditional love around the wall of refusal you hold onto so tightly. Let me listen to you, deeply.
Let me hear you, without needing to change your mind until you are heard so well that the fear making you close down and refuse to see, melts a little and opens.
Let me listen so well that you remember how good it feels to be heard with respect and sovereignty.
What hurt happened in the past that made you only see truth from your own perspective? What violation crossed your path that made you forget that it is only Universal Truth, truth with a capital T, the truth that includes you and me, that is true for everybody?
- Was it powerlessness that made you shut down?
- Was it the cost of not following rules or behaving obediently?
- Was it the very real price of trying to exercise your sovereignty and being humiliated or punished?
Or is it that you have too many things banking on your point of view. Too many things that terrify you, that you can not and will not open to another perspective because you are buried under an archeology of fear?
On the other side of denial, there is a grace-filled place of beauty where we all can breathe. This place is called Paradox. It is beautiful because it is filled with wonder and mystery. Here, in the grace that holds the truth of all opposites is the bedrock of your intuition. A soul grounded love, where you know your Truth with embodied certainty so deeply you feel no fear.
A place where you can see the many-faceted perspectives of humanity, without judgement or exclusivity, and simultaneously you know your own path of love-filled least resistance.
This is the field beyond names and ideals where we can all be: heard, accepted and free.
You have drawn this shadow today because your stubbornness is strangling the vitality of your open mind or stealing the life force of another. WAKE UP!
You are not standing on the solid ground of empowered sovereignty. You are standing on the seismic plate of ignorance and F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real.
All shadows make us choose the path of death, the place where the ego is exalted* (ACIM) and you are in the shadow of Denial.
Your Higher Self is asking you to drop your defences immediately and feel the emotions locking you in beliefs that make you closed-minded, uncompromising and rigid.
You are being asked to breathe in the oxygen of compassionate love centred thinking and to open to points of view bigger than the ones you currently defend yourself with.
What are you really refusing to believe, take responsibility for or see?
There is a whole other world waiting for you to see.
To learn more about shadow work explore our online shadow training and in-person Shadow Dancing Courses.
© Lhamo 2021 | Excerpt from “The Little Book of Shadows” available December 2021Read More
Sometimes it’s wonderful being an empath.
I remember when walking the Camino with Pete, there were days when our feet fell into rhythm and silence stretched out between us. Back then, when the internet was birthing and iPhones were a shiny dream, I could hear our beloved friends and family.
Or more rightly, see-feel-hear what they were feeling. It would just happen.
While it could have been the effect of too much Spanish sun, the clarity of my listening was spot on. I knew how the kids were back home; I knew who had news for us. I could feel our darlings praying for us; I also knew who was angry, upset and annoyed.
Just like sweeping the floor, scrying smoke or reading tea leaves, any mundane rhythmic task that occupies our left brain can become a portal to open our empathic listening skills. Listen well enough, and your thoughts will move out of self-focus and find their way into the belonging we share with each other’s souls. This is not an out-there statement. Anyone can learn these tools. They are your birthright as a Divine Human.
And somedays, it’s not so comfy being an empath.
Working out what is yours and what is someone else’s (emotions, projections, unprocessed garbage) is challenging. Discernment requires continual self-examination, and unlike Santiago, it’s not a destination. It’s a lifetime mastery tool and just like learning that our embodied intuition is only the first step in following Divine guidance, discernment teaches us there’s always something deeper.
And sometimes the deeper parts hurt.
Empathy means to be in feeling with another and right now, there are so many who are feeling so much. As an empath or a spiritually sensitive person, to feel so many others while you are also feeling so much is hard. Harder than usual and difficult times call for necessary new things, one of them being : Sacred Warriorship.
Our capacity to stand rooted in Universal Spiritual Wisdom, which means it is true for everyone, then with authenticity, showing up as the part of you that is love, peace, wisdom, wonderment, presence and belonging, and sharing it with all of humanity. Not just the people we love.
Sacred warriorship is the call to stand in your self-mastery, sovereignty and authenticity at all times. As a wise friend said, its the call to take our prayers off our knees and make our ordinary life, our kitchen, our kids, our lovemaking, our garden, sacred. It does not require teachers, a new wardrobe, people to follow you, or gurus.
To activate this you will need to take your empathy and all the skills you have learnt (discernment, intuition, prayer practice, energetic sensitivity and inner communion) and use them while you are having those heart to heart conversations, wrangling kids, managing work and the intensity of our current life. It’s living your unique embodied spirituality.
Sacred warriorship is a clarion call to all Strong Women of our generation. Sacred Warriorship requires all of us to have a new language of live spirituality and meaning-making.
I’ve been thinking all about Death. Burial. Resurrection. Oh, just to clarify, no not of Jesus, but the Goddess Inanna.
Long before Yeshua ben Joseph had his three days of crucifixion, enshrouding and then rising from the dead. The ancient Mesopotamian Goddess, Inanna had her three days of it too. The silly thing, she decided to visit her twin sister Ereshkigal Queen of the Underworld. Anybody knows facing your shadow is never going to be pretty. She ended up temporarily dead. Not really the epitome of great family dynamics, needless to say, yes, eventually she was let off the hook.
We (my 2020 MotherQuest ladies and I), hung out with Inanna’s story last weekend and I’ve been thinking about these three symbolic days and how relevant they are ~ right now ~ and what they can mean if we take a moment to listen.
The amazing thing I realised is – we have these three days right in the middle of MotherQuest :
Death Mother. Peace Mother. Wise Mother. Death. Peace. Wisdom.
Except MotherQuest has a uniquely feminine perspective on these holy days of reset.
- Death : Open to the new at the ending. Accept the death of who you used to be. Focus on the new that is birthing.
- Peace : End the stories causing violence to your soul. Release and return to Peace, permanently.
- Wisdom : Honour the sacred unity of Divinity and Humanity in your present embodiment. Come into Right Living.
How do we as Sacred Mama Queens make this teaching real in today’s world? Well, this is how I’m doing it …
Day 1: Death Mama :
I’m cleaning (yes strange unbelievable and true), I cleaned my oven, sorted through the linen closet, and have just redone our bedroom cupboards. Out with the old and everything that has hit its used by date. I’m preparing for new.
Day 2: Peace Mama :
We are planning a family day of Catan. If there is anything that will gauge our collective enlightenment, a 4-hour board game is going to do it. I will light candles and say prayers before we start. I will NOT be wearing the grumpy hat this time around. Seriously, tomorrow will show you where and who in your family is experiencing your family culture as violence, you have the change to be their Priestess. Be on the watch, be kind, be vigilant, family arguments are usually someone’s cry to be seen and call to receive help.
Day 3: Wise Mama :
Don’t get sugar drunk on Easter eggs! Get out into the garden instead. Go for that ‘essential walk’. Do yoga, give your darling a massage, talk to the bees and the lizards, receive their teachings, rest. Allow a new vision of how you would like to live. No matter how revolutionary, birth itself through your soul and get embodied in it. Dream up ways to take action to manifest it.
Remember, like Inanna; we have the ghosts of the Underworld around us as we leave the Queendom of our Shadow, these potent energies of change will transform the edges of our world for us. All you have to do is be like Inanna and know precisely what you want (or don’t want) and set your inner resolve to be the change you need in your world.
After all, you are the Strong Woman you’ve been waiting for.
I think I’ll now go and finish my vacuum cleaning.
Oestre love to you,
As you all know, very real circumstances create isolation. Relocation, a new baby, quarantine, divorce, or living in a foreign city where language or even geography keeps you separated from people.
This is NOT the Isolation we are talking about here.
In MotherQuest’s Shadow Work, the isolation we are exploring is the icy melancholy that, even when people are all around us, swirls in, freezes our confidence, and sequesters our Connection into miserable silence.
Isolation is similar to the shadows of Rejection and Abandonment. However, unlike Abandonment, that uses our memories as evidence to immobilise our trust and validate our fear.
Isolation uses our past to prove that our current loneliness is impenetrable.
It verifies that loneliness is our destiny; it twists our heart with icy fingers and clutches at our authentic voice. The Shadow of Isolation makes us believe we’re valueless. If it takes root, it can freeze our heart and make us believe we’re the most unwanted person on Earth.
Which is why we must learn the skills of ShadowDancing and turn our capacity for connection into an art form.
- How cold do you feel when the shadow of Isolation creeps in?
- Where in your body does it take root or grab hold?
- Where do you feel its stuckness, loneliness, insecurity or fear?
Or is Isolation so familiar that you think its grey fog is real?
Isolation is a Yin imprint. It’s an old cold emotional place of loneliness and loss. Isolation is a shadow state; it is not a spiritual truth, no matter how your life currently is or makes you feel. Between our craving for love and our need to be close to the people we hold dear, Isolation freezes an iron wall. Separating us from hope and joy and trapping our confidence in a wasteland.
Isolation may have been true for you in the past, but now as a mother living in the presence of her soul, it is an ego delusion you can’t afford.
The Gremlin of Isolation is now your calling card, a wake-up note from the Divine, that it is time to take action, to return home to Soul and check-in.
Behind the iron door that separates you from the truth of Belonging sits a neglected part of your wholeness—an innocent, childlike self, who’s seeking warm-hearted connection and a soft place to land. But not just anywhere.
Your neglected self is not seeking acceptance from your work, your city or your country; she’s asking for belonging from the inner community or common unity of your soul. That is, where your inner meaning-making sits in devotion with your unique and intimate understanding of God. Whoever you may know Her to be.
Belonging, which is MotherQuest’s antidote to Isolation, is not an outside job. It’s is an internal state of arrival that lies at the end of a hero’s journey. Like the mythical Holy Grail, Belonging is the awakened soul’s reward.
Only found after experiencing the brutality of alienation, belonging is the spacious truth of self-connected trust, where the acceptance of impermanence has surpassed the craving for external security and other’s approval is replaced with the capacity to do partnership and intimacy on your own terms.
Sacred Ladies, the illusion of Isolation is now a door, open it and return to the soul fire of connection that already lies within you.
© Lhamo 2020 | MotherQuest | Dancing in the ShadowLands |Read More
How do you honour your ancestors in your women’s circles?
- Do you call their heartbeat through your medicine drum?
If so, whose lineage was your drum maker trained in and are the animal skins indigenous to your ancestral lands?
- Do you chant a mantra?
If so, is your mantra Hindi, Sikh or Buddhist, do you honour their traditions? Or does your chant come from your ancestral lands, if so what Tribe and culture?
- Do you take drugs in shamanic ritual?
If so who is your teacher’s teacher? What lineage do you honour when you call your shaman’s name?
Or do you sing the song of your ancestral lullaby, the song sung by mother to daughter to mother to child? Do you honour the soil, or hunger to know the lands of your ancestressal stories? Have you heard your Motherland’s call and can speak of your pilgrimage back to your tribal home?
Do you use your bleed time to call in your Ancestressal dreaming, have you honoured your Spirit mother, the first of your Motherline? Or do you reverently call your fore-mothers by their names as far back as you have re-membered?
It is entirely possible to honour your white Anglo-ancestresses without cultural appropriation. It requires breaking ignorance, Doing Your Work and Honouring your Embodied Wisdom.
Would you like to know how to run women’s circles, create authentic ceremonies and honour your blood tribe without the blindness of white woman’s cultural supremacy? Join me for Sacred Woman : Deepen your Skills : Circle Leader Mastery an advanced 7-week in-person training for Leaders of Women’s Circles.Read More
Connecting to your Divine Feminine is not always acknowledged part of mundane life, in fact, theevery day, especially in our mothering years seems to chip away our connection to our spiritual power. This is largely because we have lost the archetype and the mindset that our everyday womanly selves, our mothering and our souls – are already Divine. It’s time we claimed that back, isn’t it?
Being connected or embodying our Divine Feminine, which is what Sacred Feminine means gives us presence and guides us into pleasure, fulfilment, creativity, bliss and a meaning-rich life. So what are some ways to reconnect and stay connected to your Sacred Feminine?
- Listen to your body
Staying connected to your physical self may seem easy, but when was the last time you actually listened to your body? Your body is your truth teller, it always signals you to make wise choices, but how do you harness it? By trusting what you are being told! Your intuition the symbolic and sensory language of your body communicating with your soul and you access it by paying attention. Use your intuition daily. It’s like a spiritual muscle, it gets stronger with flexing.
- Practice Self Love
Self-love and self-care are entwined. Practising self-love is grounded in listening to your own needs, while self-care is taking time out from everything and everyone, to nurture your own being. When did you last make time for yourself and actually prioritized your self-care? Self-love is also about remembering that you can love, accept, trust and value yourself even when the shit hits the fan! Your Divine Feminine self is always present, it’s your ego that hides her away. Nourishing yourself with kindness will enlighten you.
- Get in sync with the moon
Like the moon, we all go through cycles and by knowing the lunar cycles you can keep track of your own. Paying attention to the cycle of the moon not only means you can understand your emotional responses and deepen your connection to Gaia but remember you are always connected to all natural cycles of life. You can see how the shades of light and dark, creation and destruction are integral aspects of you. Of course, tracking your menstrual cycle will also deepen this practice. Your reproductive womanly centre is, after all, your most sacred personal development tool.
- Commit to making your spirituality real
What does sacredness, the Divine or spirituality actually mean to you? Could they all be your unique search for meaning? If so, then why is your ordinary life not spiritual? One of the greatest ways to bring the sacred feminine into your everyday life is to steep yourself in your values. What are they? The things that make you feel alive. To help you decipher this, change the word value for desire and then write yourself a BIG list, of say 50 to 100 things that turn you on. By the time you reach the 70’s the objects of your desires will have dropped away and their essence would have risen as one words qualities like love, union, freedom … When you’re done, choose your top 5 and make a commitment to bring those things into your life, every day.
- Own your reflection
It’s so easy to see the Divine in others. What would happen if you realized that spiritually speaking, others were purely an extension of yourself? Every time you see the glorious in another and are happy for it, you practice Mudita, the joy in another’s joy. This makes you cement a part of your Divine self into your lived experience. Rather than seeing the difference, own the joy and magnificence of the other as a reflection of your truest self.
There is no need to think that sacredness or your Divine Feminine being needs esoteric rituals, tattooed initiations or out of body experiences. Your everyday life is your opportunity to embody the Divine. To make sacred means to elevate something to the realm of reverence and what is more worthy of celebration than the uniqueness of your soul? You can connect to the Divine-made-Sacred Feminine every day, purely by remembering and being the love that is uniquely you.Read More
Our female friendships are everything.
Filled with tears and laughter, never-ending phone calls, the excitement of milestones and the sharing of loss, there is no taking away from the importance of our female friends. They buoy us, lift us up and support us through everyday life. For most of us, our female friendships fill our lives with meaning and also keep us grounded. So when I thought about why sacred sisterhood is different from friendship, I’m not saying they are better, just different.
Sacred sisterhood is like a calling.
A sacred blueprint or matrix of how to be authentic, unveiled and shamelessly real. It has nothing to do with the person we are offering it to and everything to do with the depth of who and how we know ourselves. Sacred sisterhood is a way of being and the easiest place to learn how to access this inner template is in a sacred women’s circle.
Sacred circle work involves being vulnerable, opening up to women who you don’t know.
Unlike female friendships, sacred sisterhood it isn’t about comfort and familiarity, it’s about hearing another woman tell her truth – in the moment, without attachment to story and with the privilege of witnessing her soul. While a female friendship is rooted in the familiar comfort of knowing each other’s stories, being part of a women’s circle creates a deep bond between women, essentially from the radical honesty of being storyless. In circle and sacred sisterhood, we liberate each other by being raw, open and very real.
So what does being part of a sacred sisterhood actually mean? Why not just be happy with your gloriously safe and comfortable friendships? Why put yourself in a place of the unknown?
Because being part of a sacred sisterhood is a fast track to spiritual growth.
In circle, when faced with the risk of sharing your radical honest and shamelessly transparent self, it is possible to drop internal and external identities. Anger, pain, joy, understanding can arise simply by being allowed to unconditionally share uninterrupted emotion. Love and nurturing are given in circle, caretaking, there-there-ing are not. Freed to be able to find your own truth without being fixed or advised brings freedom and the opportunity for self-mastery.
In sacred sisterhood, we also explore parameters of integrity and learn to see with the vision of the Divine.
In circles we learn impeccable boundaries, clear edges where we stop projecting and reacting to our own dramas. We also learn to trust our own wisdom and then fiercely reclaim and protect everyone’s innocence. We also learn to see with eyes of Loving Compassion, or the Divine known by many names ~ because we go beyond empathy, to see our soul in every woman.
In sacred sisterhood, we return to sacredness. Sacredness is the elevation of the ordinary to a realm of spiritual reverence.
This means our wounds are not made real, our focus stays on strengths and we are always encouraged to own capacities for self-actualisation. No fixing, no advising, instead of respect, love, and reverence for our imperfect perfections. What also sets these relationships apart is that a reverent beholding if Spirituality is always present in our relationships. Yahweh, Shekinah, Allah, Mariam, our Ancestors, Great Spirit, Source, Mystery, God or the Mother Divine in all her many names and the possibilities this connection brings, never leaves the centre of our conversations.
Most of all the difference between these two wonderful, but different relationships is YOU.
Being part of the sacred sisterhood is about arriving, being your most authentic self, moment by moment.
It’s also about learning to love unconditionally without attachment, with impeccable edges and dignified boundaries. Contained in your capacity to own your sovereignty, present to owning your authentic and feminine power sacred sister enables you to be a better friend to everyone.
In sacred sisterhood, you can truly open to receive and be the sacred expression of all that female friendships can be.
Every child is born with a soul contract with her mother.
She has a gift or teaching to give her mother, soul to soul.
Some soul gifts are easy for the mother to receive they could be opening to love, stepping into power, trusting her value, sharing her wisdom.
Other contracts feel like pulling teeth, almost like our babe has exactly the right medicine, just by being herself, to push us to the edges of who we know ourselves to be.
Her strong will pushes us to grow a backbone.
Her clinginess pushes us to look at our own collapsed edges and where we find it easier to merge or become abruptly distant than to create and maintain compassionate boundaries.
Her fight for autonomy requires that we face and work through our own unprocessed fears that we have unknowingly wrapped her too tightly in.
We are no longer living in a time where parents are the experts just because.
We are parenting a generation of souls that are asking their parents to actualise and adult themselves like never before. They are asking with love, for us to be the love, that they chose us for.
Love that isn’t perfect, but perfectly imperfectly human. Love that grows and provides the oxygen their souls can breathe in.
Our daughters and sons are simply asking us to step up to live the gifts, love and wisdom imprinted in our soul and by doing so be the parent that can see them completely.
We explore our soul contract with our daughters and seven specific areas of mother-daughter relationships during Ancestressecy.
During our tenderly held and sacred 7-week course, we dive deeply into how our unprocessed fears, anger, grief, relationship to our bodies and our ability to give and receive nurturing directly impacts our daughters.
We open our hearts and souls to the vision of mother that she is asking us to step up to and be.
… and this is as true for our unborn and creative soul babies as it is for our noisy small people…
Learn the simple and powerful tools (that are already within you) that will make sure your relationship challenges with your daughter birth both of you into more and more love.
COURSE CLOSES APRIL 23rd
Of all the hurts a daughter can suffer from her mother there are two that cut the deepest.
The first is the betrayal of not being seen.
Not being loved, appreciated or seen for our authenticity or uniqueness can be excruciating. It is a painful awakening for a daughter to realise that to be true to herself she has to leave her family.
This fight between belonging and selfhood, autonomy and acceptance, stability and self-freedom can then become a dichotomy that a daughter lives with long after her vulnerable self left home.
This pattern of stay and conform or leave and face isolation, can lock in patterns of unworthiness and abandonment. These patterns can stay until the now adult daughter is able to find the strength, love and experience to be the supply of mother love and acceptance that she needs.
The second hurt is the pain of not being believed.
Tragically this is the wound that sits even deeper than sexual abuse. Maltreatment is one thing, but the betrayal of trust is another entirely.
When a daughter brings her experience to her mother and is not believed, then the robbery of innocence becomes two-fold. Her body or connection with others is no longer a safe place, her innocence is shattered and tragically so too is the universe of safety that once was her mother.
On both an energetic and epigenetic level one of the reasons that cause mothers not to believe their daughter is the manifestation of ancestral and personal trauma lodged in her sixth chakra.
This is why sexual abuse travels so painfully down generations, as a hurt daughter, of a hurt daughter, the hurt daughter who is now the mother quite literally cannot see what she needs to see for her daughter … and perhaps she never will.
This betrayal of trust then becomes the healing journey of a lifetime. It becomes the impetus for the sacred search for meaning. Underlying this search, we can also find the real herstory of how women have been abused and robbed of Divine Maternal Connection.
We see how systematic the sexual abuse of women and our robbery of Feminine Divinity has been throughout history.
If you are a betrayed daughter, then know that every time this wound pirals you to a new level of clarity, self-acceptance and healing, that you have done your sacred work. At the same time you have also done the work of your Ancestresses who never had your freedom, ability or capacity.
You are the chain breaker; you are the Strong Woman of your family.
On a soul level, both the unseen daughter and the betrayed daughter are required to access and become the Mother her Mother never could be.
This is a requirement of all Bodhisattvas, as 8th-century Buddhist monk Shantideva says ‘you must leave your home and family’. Your soul chose your family to grow the muscle of self-actualisation that can only be activated by transcending the incarnational bonds of your inheritance and norms of your family.
To offer just one prescription as the causal reason to all the billions of Soul Contracts between daughters and their mothers is not useful, true or productive. The following I offer only as a blessing and invitation to explore through inquiry …
As painful as it is, could part of your soul contract be that you grow the strength to be the last one who has to compromise herself if she is to be loved, accepted and protected by her family?
- Could you be the strong soul here to make sure you have embodied the ability to allow your children and their children’s children to be mothered to adulthood without having to sacrifice their selfhood an innocence to be accepted by their family?
- Could you have chosen on a deep incarnational level that you have come into this lifetime and this family to become a woman of power, sexual majesty and value?
Could you be the living healing gift to all your Ancestresscy – forwards and backwards in time?
Would you like to travel deeper and receive support and guidance on your Mother-Daughter Healing journey?
Click here to join our transformational and sacred online course Ancestresscy.Read More
Many years ago I was attending a Women’s Rite’s Retreat with the sublime Anna Davidovich and in a throwaway comment, she gifted me with one of the most profound teachings I have ever received.
Her simple sentence changed my life.
While the words she said are not exactly the words, I’m about to give you now, the simplicity and power of this sentence has the capacity to awaken one of the most profound blueprints of your soul. I kid you not.
But before I tell you what she said I have to let you know that the woman who she said these words to is not the woman who is writing this now. Back then I was about the most disembodied (that is out of my out of my body-ed, um try ungrounded), super sensitive empath who took EVERYTHING personally.
I had skin as thick as a wet paper bag.
Basically, I was an over-giver who was continually overwhelmed by acute psychic perception (no filter) and highly sensitive emotions. I was also compulsively transparent and had no boundaries. My heart was an open book – to everyone. I mean everyone. My friends, my flatmates, my mum, the butcher, the taxi driver, my boss, my students, the little old lady who lived over the road, everyone. As you can imagine, I went around with people avoiding saying anything deeper than “it’s a nice day” or me feeling exposed and empty.
And then I heard this (well, this is my version of it),
If you want to step into Feminine Self Mastery and live your best life, when it comes to sharing your soul you need to remember these three important things:
It is ALWAYS up to you to decide WITH WHOM, HOW MUCH and WHEN you choose to share your heart.
It is always entirely up to you.
Just because someone wants to know something, someone asks you something, or you have something to share, You do not have to share it. You can choose moment by moment with whom you share your heart.
Just because you know someone, or you like someone, or you love someone, it does not mean you have to tell everything that is sacred or tender in your heart to them. You can always choose to what level you share.
Just because you know who you want to share with and how much you want to share with them, it doesn’t mean you have to do it at the first opportunity – um say like at the pickup zone, or in the checkout aisle or when you are in a coffee shop with nosey neighbours. You can choose when it feels safe and sacred for you to share your heart AND that even includes when you are sitting in your sacred women’s circle.
Practising the wisdom of this sentence may sound simple and for many people its a no-brainer. However for mystical sensitive introverted types who know they have to step into leadership, the permission this statement brings can be a Godsend. Learning this sentence and making it an art form has shown me and the hundreds if not thousands of women who I have taught it to, this:
Learning the art of with whom, how much and when, opens an inner blueprint of self-trust and self-respect which then becomes the key to having sacred sisterhood. Because, as we practise in circle…
It is only what you give away that you truly receive.
The more self-love, self-respect, self-care, self-value, self-kindness and self-trust you practice in your heartfelt communicating, the more your capacity to receive and rest in this state will grow.
When you sit in a circle with every woman present also practising this sacred art and you both give and receive this type of heartfelt communication, you will experience a new level of sisterhood. One that is truly sacred. What’s more is you will also know by your own experience your capacity to recreate this depth, transparency and integrity in every relationship you choose. Others may not practise this art, but you do.
This key then becomes a foundation stone for all your relationships and no matter where you are in the world or what is pressing on your heart or asking to be shared ~ you can choose.
With whom, how much and when.
I am starting my own in-person women’s circle Tide Change, in Palm Beach in two weeks time. The Early Bird price ends this Friday, 2nd February. You can book in or read all about it here. We will be practising our sacred key with joy, tenderness and power. If you feel called, please join.
x LhamoRead More
Before I start, I’d like to say it takes courage to hold a women’s circle.
Any woman who is has heard her Spirit given call and is clear about her desire to be with women in circle and says “yes I am going to hold a women’s circle and learn and share and heal and grow” – is brave.
Any woman has been to the depth of her soul wounds and not only survived but has healed and created a wisdom path in the process and then says “This is me. This is what I know, come learn with me.“ Is not only brave, what she is offering is priceless.
The first reason why I charge and pay to go to sacred women’s circles is this, I believe
Women’s wisdom is priceless
No one can replicate another’s healing journey; we can only learn and grow from it. So the woman offering her Gnowing (that’s the Gnosis that she knows because She Knows It), is offering something no one else can. She is providing a one-off, unrepeatable learning situation and that is valuable.
Women’s circles cost something
Nothing exists in a vacuum.
Whether it be paying for a hall, buying a tent owning a lounge room, the time a woman invests in organising, advertising, promoting, speaking, or preparing for her women’s circle, costs something. Not just monetarily but energetically in the shape of time and creativity. And that is only the holding part of circle work.
If a women’s circle is being organised by a woman who is also sharing her wisdom, then there definitely needs to be a reciprocated exchange of value.
Women have, for generations given hospitality and wisdom for free. We give away our time, love, kindness and nurturing for nothing because of devotion, compassion or service. But eventually, there needs to be reciprocity.
I understand in shared circles where there is equal shared leadership, shared responsibility and shared hosting there is no need for charging. But when a circle is following one woman’s guidance and not giving her a mutual value exchange then eventually something will snap.
When one woman shoulders the full cost of any creative project without money coming back, they get exhausted. Then they get resentful.
Then they get burnt out.
I know I’ve been there.
These days, if I have a hall or an administration cost, or if I have invested in promotional material, I factor in the costs accordingly. Then I work out what my time and energy investment has been and place a price on what I believe is a reciprocating value. Then I divide that amount by the potential attendees. Then I hand it all over to Spirit and do my inner work, listen, feel into what feels joyful, and then I set my price.
How about you? How do you set your prices?
The third reason why I charge for circles is simply,
It is my profession. Is it also yours?
Holding circles is what I do.
Well, these days not only running women’s circles but teaching women how to run women’s circles as well. It is the income that supports my family, and this is my sacred work.
When I took my ordination vows to become an Interfaith Minister, I declared that my primary focus, and therefore, my income, would be in the service work that I do for my spiritual community.
Before you come at me with the ‘spirituality should be free’ argument let me say this. I agree entirely!
Nobody has a monopoly on real spiritual wisdom. Actually, we already have our greatest spiritual wisdom inside us.
Everyone, according to the Course of Miracles and many other spiritual texts has a unique spiritual pathway back to higher consciousness. It’s inside us already, and nobody can do the work for us. We have to do that job on our own. So yes, no need to charge for that spirituality, the most magnificent spirituality is already free.
Once upon a time in Western, Middle Eastern Indigenous and Tribal societies, those who were called to Spirit, the priests, shamans, or the priestesses were valued for their gifts, and for the work being in that position takes. Spiritual teachers up until recently, have been supported by their community and now when we need them the most, the conscious support of spirituality is disappearing.
The concept of tithing goes back to an ancient Jewish history when the Rabbis changed from being priests into teachers. The nine other sections of their community honoured the precious duty that teaching the Torah gave, and wanted the Rabbis to teach full time. But there was a problem. If the Rabbis spent all their time teaching then there would be no time for working, so then how could the Rabbis afford to survive? The nine other guilds then decided to divide their earnings so that a tithe, a tenth of their income, would go to valuing their spiritual teachers.
Tithing today is still a vital life-giving and spiritually affirming practice. Giving a tenth of your income to what has spiritually nourished you is a life-changing practice. But it’s not for everyone.
What I’d like to encourage you to do is to explore your own beliefs and values around what women’s circles are for you, and the sacred work that women’s circles facilitate.
I encourage you to ask yourself what spiritual nourishment you do pay for, and what is of value to you? And then ask yourself why women’s circles perhaps, are not of equal value?
If you are holding women’s circles and are sharing your soul gifts, with your community, I encourage you to look at whether the price you have set is reimbursing you for the energy, time, and the years of devotion that you’ve put into your work.
So to answer the question should you charge for your women’s circle?
Well, I can’t answer that, and I don’t believe there is any hard and fast answer.
What I do know is, if you are one of the incredible women who knows she has sacred women’s wisdom to teach and you have the courage, vulnerability and humility to bring that wisdom to the world, then you are not only priceless, you and your work are glorious!
Speaking of women’s circles, I have just launched my own for 2018, and I’ve called it Tide Change.
It’s a women’s circle specifically for women in their mid to late forties who are still menstruating, and yet also know that their time as a bleeding woman is coming to an end.
I was gifted the inspiration for this circle over the solstice. It’s a nine-month guided circle for women to explore their final years as a reproductive woman, come to peace with all that needs to be reconciled and to consciously prepare for the transition into what I call, not eldership, but our Empress or Power Years.
The golden summer years where gracefully and with choice, we move serenely and majestically into our wisdom years as an elder of our community.
You can find all the info here. I hope you join us.Read More
It really is easy to appear spiritual on Facebook.
It’s even easier on Instagram.
A few beautiful photos, some great quotes, a strategic comment, a smattering of crystals, flowers or essential oils and voila! there’s your brand.
Don’t worry, I’m not judging. I’m doing it too.
The harder thing, if not the hardest thing to do, is to stay your spiritual self when you are around your family.
Especially, when your authentic voice happens to speak a language of beliefs, opinions or lifestyle choices that conflict or oppose your family values or culture. This becomes even harder if you are the Pattern Breaker, the Outcast, or the (reformed) Problem Child – the soul who came in to make sure everyone kept growing. (You’ll know if you’re it, because you were the one who didn’t fit).
If so, every part of your practice of non violence, non reaction, detachment, compassion, mindfulness, boundary work, gentle speech, loving kindness to all and sovereignty, is going to be tested.
BUT if you can stay in your practice and keep breathing and let your guard down AND feel as soft and as vulnerable as you did when you were a kid AND still be at peace, lovingly centred in your adult wisdom then – AWESOME WORK and wow, what a great family. This is the hope I have for my kids when they get older, radical acceptance of their authenticity and belonging, I mean this sincerely.
If you can’t then its back to shadow work and it’s time to heal your Mother and Father Lines. It’s time to step into the soul work of healing your embodied inheritance.
In MotherQuest we start our great spiral into living your womanly wisdom by entering the terrain of Ancestresscy (Yes, I’ve made it a word). Ancestresscy is the reclaiming of your Herstories, the healing of your enculturated and inherited oppression and the authentication of your soul, while also owning your embodied inheritance. It is the process of transforming your own and your future generations’ inherited destiny.
With the first Mandala of Sacred Mother Wisdom in MotherQuest you learn the simple but profoundly moving skills to stay true to your compassionate, clear, true, fierce, soft, wise, creative, whole selves, while also standing right in the roots of your belonging to your family.
It starts with a deceptively simple act:
Owning your belonging to your birth Mother’s lineage.
For some, this first Quest is easy.
For most, it is a momentous challenge that becomes breathtakingly beautiful as the hurts stop and the healing happens. The view from this healed perspective is nothing short of transformational. Nothing needs to change, no great confrontation or even catharsis, but nothing remains the same. Why? Because all it takes to make a miracle, is a change of perception and when your perception about your belonging changes and your perceived or expereinced abandonment or rejection shifts, life cannot remain unchanged.
Want to join us? We start November 4th, both online and in-person. You can sign up here.
MotherQuest : 13 Mandalas of Sacred Mother Wisdom alive in every woman.
Lhamo xRead More
GIFTED TO ME BY MY GREAT GRANDMOTHER IN A DREAM A WEEK BEFORE MY REDHAIRED DAUGHTER WAS BORN,
I was heavily, very heavily, pregnant, and it was a balmy Sunday afternoon in late November 2006. I was hot and also more than ready to birth. So I did the best labour prep I could do – I laid down to nap.
She was beautiful and so completely real. She walked into my bedroom dressed in her late 1800’s clothing and came over to where I was lying on my bed. She, was Ethel Nellie Johnson, the mother of my Grandmother. A magnificent redheaded woman right down to the auburn freckles on her eyelids, nose and knuckles.
She said she wanted to thank me for the healing she had received by being with me through my pregnancy. She knew that I could see her and that I hadn’t questioned why she was there. She said ” I want to give you a gift, to heal seven generations of our Mother Line. It will heal all of us, forwards and backwards in time.”
She then gave me an entire workshop, a complete Motherline healing for 7 + 7 generations of women no matter the wounding, no matter the grief and no matter what has been lost through time.
My daughter turns 15 this December.
Home-birthing my own wild red-haired daughter, surviving a mad postnatal dance with my shadow gremlins, three years of training as a Family Constellations Facilitator and massive shifts in my own MotherLine, merged with the blueprint Nellie gave me and formed into MotherLine Healing. Since 2008 I have taken 100s of women through MotherLine healing (formally called MotherSong) and I have been witness to miracle.
This course truly does heal seven generations forwards, and backwards in time.
The skills and insights in this course are a gift from my wild Australian Irish Ancestresses to yours. Nellie showed me how to use dream work, symbolism, stories, myths, sacred ritual and feminine wisdom, to heal what has been hurting, to recover and reclaim the feminine wisdom, connection, love and belonging that has been forgotten.
There is no cultural appropriation in these teachings, no adaption from another lineage of work nor the requirement for participants to use a spiritual language or principles other than their own embodied gnosis.
This work liberates your feminine wisdom lineage and in turn grants you the skills and tenacy to also heal your Father’s Line.
Nellie, my Great Grandmother who died aged 46 leaving four motherless daughters, showed me how to use MotherLine healing to become a Strong Woman of my generation, the One who declares “this pattern stops with me.”
This work has helped me raise my daughter rooted in her Belonging, her body and sexual autonomy, her fierce grace and ancestressal tenacity. It is an elixir of healing and sovereignty for daughters born for now. This course changed my life, my relationship with my sisters, with my mother and my MotherLine.
This course will also irrevocably, change yours.Read More
The music is on. You’ve smudged the room and reverently (if not slightly excitedly) your women have settled themselves in the room. You breathe in, you open your eyes and catch their expectant gazes. “Welcome” you say with reverent tones. Feeling your body soften and voice deepen, you are about to launch into your mystical opening of sacred space then BANG!
That one late woman has just tripped on the cat at the front step and her glass water bottle has shattered all over the porch. Now due to an ensuing litany of f-bombs (she is one of your tribe after all) all illusions of ethereal mysticism disappear like your kids after you mention homework. But something even better has now settled into your space. Things just got a little messy, which means, your circle just got Real.
AS WOMEN WE CAN LIVE IN A TYRANNY OF SHINY-NESS, A NEED TO LOOK AND ACT IN A PERFECT WAY. AS THIS WAVE OF FEMININE AWAKENING GROWS TO TSUNAMI-LIKE PROPORTIONS AND WOMEN CIRCLES ARE SPRINGING UP EVERYWHERE, WE HAVE A DUTY TO KEEP SACRED WOMEN’S BUSINESS REAL, LEST IT BECOMES YET ANOTHER BRAND PHASE OR BANDWAGON..
How do you keep things real in your women’s circle? How do you stay accessible and not isolated as a High Priestess of your mob? How do you hold your authentic spirituality and your vulnerability when you lead your women’s circle?
How do you blend your call for sacred intent with your fear of being seen and stay as real as when you make love to your husband?
Years ago, I use to go to a women’s circle with a leader who was not only shiny, she was formidably bedazzling. I couldn’t speak when I was around her, my questionable self-worth effortlessly placed her on a golden pedestal, and you know what, she gladly assumed the position … until, I actually started living the teachings she was espousing and gave up my addiction to giving my power away. I didn’t buy her glamour anymore and my need for pedestal placing crashed and burned.
As women we grow our social masks around the same time we start our menarche. Our masks are our way of hiding our most vulnerable self. Spiritually speaking, our masks are our way of making attack real. It’s the way our inner fragile maiden protects herself and stops herself from being seen.
Attack only exists in the realm of the ego though, it only exists where we make fear, not love, real. Whenever we put our “I am the High Perfectness of Shiny” masks on we are feeding our fear self, not our I am a Divine Child of Love self, or our vulnerable and wise inner maiden.
One of the greatest gifts of sacred women’s circles is that they can be havens of safety where we hold each other in a vulnerability that is way more powerful than spiritual perfection (whatever that is). Sacred women’s circles like these are reservoirs of raw truth, naked passion and soul deep authenticity.
So next time you are about to hold circle and your worry tummy makes you polish your shiny, Stop. Breathe and give yourself the approval you you’ve been waiting for. Then invite in your soul self in all her power and messiness, She will show you how to lead with vulnerability, reverence and all things Real.
Are you ready to make your dream of powerfully unleashing your Passionate Calling? Are you ready to dive into 4 months of life changing spiritual and leadership transformation?
Join us then in Sacred and Sovereign Women’s Circle Leader Training. Our course starts with a sacred ceremony led by Lhamo on May 5th in Tallebudgera on the Southern Gold Coast. For more info and booking click here.Read More
I’m about to admit something that isn’t exactly PC when it comes to women’s circles, I fully own that it has a little to do with my shadow gremlin of cynicism and a lot to do with experiencing a multitude of things called sacred women’s business. But before I make my grand confession, I want to know, how do you call the sacred into your women’s circles?
Which tradition do you follow? Do you open your circle space with a Wiccan protocol? Or are you following your teacher’s way, if so, what is his or her lineage of wisdom?
Is it First Nation American? Dianic? Peruvian Shamanism? Druidic Paganism? Or have you read a book or done an online course but really have no clue the about tradition you use?
I’M REALLY CURIOUS HOW DO YOU CALL THE SACRED INTO YOUR CIRCLE SPACE?
What spiritual paradigm do you call on? What reservoir of faith and meaning making do you lean into? Is it your connection to the land around you and your oneness with the Earth inside you? Is it a sense of Interbeingness or sisterhood to all of Great Spirit’s creations? Is it your capacity to surrender to What Is? Do you call the 4 Directions? Do you recite all Her names? Or do draw down the moon?
How do you move your circle space from ordinary time into liminal space and set your self and your women folk into a time that is less ordinary, more reverent (and shall we name it) – more holy?
I want to know because I’m nosey and also, as an Interfaith Minister I really, really love this stuff. I truly believe every woman – and every man for that matter – has their own unique pathway home to the Sacred or Love or God of their own understanding. I am perpetually awed by the incredible beauty of authentic wonderment and I’m deeply curious about how and who you call on to make your circle space special.
Now here is my confession.
I don’t blow smoke to the four directions. I don’t call on the Elements. I don’t recite the Charge of the Goddess, or the Gayathri Mantra, or open to the feminine Ascended Masters of Light. I don’t even bang a drum. But I have (to an almost OCD level) done each one of those things in the past (well, maybe not the drum bit). These days I’m a completely protocol-less irreverent Reverend.
But I do, do one thing, every circle, without fail.
I call on HER inside me. My embodied Divine and Sacred She.
I feel HER in my heart and also in my womb. SHE is the open state of Grace that is my home place, my inner sanctum, a sacred space of silence and listening. It’s to Her I return in my nightly prayers, in my daily meditation, in the breathing space before a counselling client and in my morning dedication. She is my practice and it is to Her, inside me, I return, over and over and over again.
This is my inner practice of calling in the sacred.
All the rest. The gathering prayer, the opening meditation, the lighting of candles, the acknowledgement of the Indigenous Elders and Caretakers of this land, the honouring of ancestors, the waving of smudge to purify and protect space, the holy instant of connection where I bow to the One in every women present, is just familiar repetition of practice. They are the way I take my listening of Her out into circle space, they are my way of making the sacred real … How about you? How do you call Her into your circle space?
Is it time you took your Women’s Circle Leadership to a whole new level? Are you ready to dive deeper than you have gone before and initiate yourself into your own Sacred and Sovereign Self Mastery?
On the 5th of May in the Southern Gold Coast I am taking 21 women through a 4 month in person intensive Masterclass in Circle Leader Training.