Of all the hurts a daughter can suffer from her mother there are two that cut the deepest.
The first is the betrayal of not being seen.
Not being loved, appreciated or seen for our authenticity or uniqueness can be excruciating. It is a painful awakening for a daughter to realise that to be true to herself she has to leave her family.
This fight between belonging and selfhood, autonomy and acceptance, stability and self-freedom can then become a dichotomy that a daughter lives with long after her vulnerable self left home.
This pattern of stay and conform or leave and face isolation, can lock in patterns of unworthiness and abandonment. These patterns can stay until the now adult daughter is able to find the strength, love and experience to be the supply of mother love and acceptance that she needs.
The second hurt is the pain of not being believed.
Tragically this is the wound that sits even deeper than sexual abuse. Maltreatment is one thing, but the betrayal of trust is another entirely.
When a daughter brings her experience to her mother and is not believed, then the robbery of innocence becomes two-fold. Her body or connection with others is no longer a safe place, her innocence is shattered and tragically so too is the universe of safety that once was her mother.
On both an energetic and epigenetic level one of the reasons that cause mothers not to believe their daughter is the manifestation of ancestral and personal trauma lodged in her sixth chakra.
This is why sexual abuse travels so painfully down generations, as a hurt daughter, of a hurt daughter, the hurt daughter who is now the mother quite literally cannot see what she needs to see for her daughter … and perhaps she never will.
This betrayal of trust then becomes the healing journey of a lifetime. It becomes the impetus for the sacred search for meaning. Underlying this search, we can also find the real herstory of how women have been abused and robbed of Divine Maternal Connection.
We see how systematic the sexual abuse of women and our robbery of Feminine Divinity has been throughout history.
If you are a betrayed daughter, then know that every time this wound pirals you to a new level of clarity, self-acceptance and healing, that you have done your sacred work. At the same time you have also done the work of your Ancestresses who never had your freedom, ability or capacity.
You are the chain breaker; you are the Strong Woman of your family.
On a soul level, both the unseen daughter and the betrayed daughter are required to access and become the Mother her Mother never could be.
This is a requirement of all Bodhisattvas, as 8th-century Buddhist monk Shantideva says ‘you must leave your home and family’. Your soul chose your family to grow the muscle of self-actualisation that can only be activated by transcending the incarnational bonds of your inheritance and norms of your family.
To offer just one prescription as the causal reason to all the billions of Soul Contracts between daughters and their mothers is not useful, true or productive. The following I offer only as a blessing and invitation to explore through inquiry …
As painful as it is, could part of your soul contract be that you grow the strength to be the last one who has to compromise herself if she is to be loved, accepted and protected by her family?
- Could you be the strong soul here to make sure you have embodied the ability to allow your children and their children’s children to be mothered to adulthood without having to sacrifice their selfhood an innocence to be accepted by their family?
- Could you have chosen on a deep incarnational level that you have come into this lifetime and this family to become a woman of power, sexual majesty and value?
Could you be the living healing gift to all your Ancestresscy – forwards and backwards in time?
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